I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts