you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying