So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes