marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now