i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
