I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
