lets start a swedish sibling band together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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