you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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