Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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