Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
