he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
