When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
