Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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