I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
