I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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