he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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