honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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