i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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