i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
