When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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