I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
pop tarts are not kleenex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
