He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
