and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
smell my finger.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
