Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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