Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
