the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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