sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
