got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
