i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
