Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
