I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize