why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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