she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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