and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
