Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
