you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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