You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
