for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
