Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
