1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
