They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
