If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
