I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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