I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
