I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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