Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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