i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
