everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
