I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
