There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
