It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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