i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
