Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
