i was rollin on her like bob the builder
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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