My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how drunk are you?
Several
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize