well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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