i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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