he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
