New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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