im about as happy as oj after his trial
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
