And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
