Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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