Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dicks are not precious.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
