I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
and you fell through a lawn chair
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
