I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
