Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
