break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
