that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
