You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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