we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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